November 9, 2015

Hi. Sorry about last week. I was really stressed out. I think i have been putting way too much pressure on myself to be perfect, when I've only been out 1 1/2 transfers. I think I was just feeling really discouraged and stressed. We had been teaching a lot of people and we weren't seeing any progress, no one was inviting us back, and I felt like I was failing as a missionary I guess. I'm doing better now. I got a blessing and talked it out with our local patriarch. I still felt depressed and stressed out for the next couple days after that but it gradually went away and as I prayed for comfort and guidance, I felt myself gain more confidence and feel better. And it came from working, go figure. 

But yeah my patriarchal blessing kind of hit me a little hard. To be honest with you guys I had a shaky testimony at best before I came out. And ever since I've come out I feel like God has poured out so many spiritual experiences and has let me feel the Holy Ghost so strongly, more than I have ever felt it, in fact I wonder if I have ever truly felt it before this. And it's like a whole new world, and I think I'm having trouble even comprehending reality right now. I have felt the healing power of the Atonement, and I have felt the Spirit fill my body with warmth and peace. We were in a zone training meeting and I remember saying a prayer in my mind for one of the missionaries speaking, and afterwards my body just got filled with this overwhelming warmth, and I felt so much love for everyone around me, and for God. While this was happening, me and my companion were chosen to do a practice lesson. In that lesson, I said a prayer and asked for us to be able to feel the spirit, and then afterwards, everything was so quiet, and as we taught, I felt the spirit speaking through me and giving me the words to say. Then we had a testimony meeting where we all gave our testimony on the atonement. I said a little 3 sentence testimony on it and sat down. After the meeting tons of people came up to me and shook my hand saying how much they felt the spirit during the lesson and during my testimony. That feeling stayed with me all the way until lunch. It was the best feeling I have ever felt and I know that it was the Holy Ghost. But yeah when I read my patriarchal blessing, it said that I would have experiences like that, and that I would be able to easily share the gospel with others, and some other stuff. So I guess after that I just put this expectation on myself that I couldn't meet. Such as putting the eternal salvation of me, my family, the people I don't talk to, and the people I teach all on myself and my ability to teach. I've since learned that I can't be perfect, I cant get over all of my social and physical problems all at once, and even though it is my duty to talk to everyone, the lord won't let my follies ruin the chances for someone else. 

So yeah. My blessing also talked about how God would stretch me and the stretching process might be unpleasant, and that's what's going on right now. He's stretching me. But I know that as I stay faithful He will bless me and the people I care for. 

But yeah, sorry if I worried you guys. This is just all really new to me, and it's freaking me out a bit. I read the letter you put in the box. 

 

Sister Miller is being very persistent about that magic hair growth comb so I'll be sending you that DVD about it pretty soon haha. 

That's about it I think. Miss you guys! I hope stuff gets better!

Elder Sherwood